If you really knew me.

Ok, I’m doing this thing on this blog cause i was inspired by the show on MTV “If you really knew me”.

If you really knew me you’d know that i don’t know my real father cause he left my brother, me and my mother when we were very small. My mom gave him a chose to walk out or not and he did. He is the one person i hate most of in my life, i wish he was dead. Every time I think of him it hurts, it makes me want to do horrible things to myself. I have to put those off, but the urge is getting stronger. If you really knew me you also know that i have issues with guys and end up leaving them before they leave me. I have issues with cheating and lying. If you really knew me you know that i would die if my family finds out I’m not Christan. They won’t accept that i have a different belief, and so does my boyfriend. So I’m at a war with religion, or the people of religion.

I hate today.

I’m so pissed. Wow, that’s a bold statement without saying what happened. So, i was talking to my boyfriend on the phone, yeah i know i can feel you rolling your eyes right now but please listen, and we were talking about religion. He is Christan and I am atheist. We were talking about ghost, the thing is i didn’t know Christan didn’t believe in ghost(my bad) So he got all defensive about it say “there is no in between heaven and hell, there are no such things as ghost.” Which i have no problem with that statement but hes telling me I’m wrong.Then i starting talking about a Ouija board(you know the ones with all the letters on it and you can talk to ghost) He said hes not comfortable with me buying one. in fear of me getting possessed by a demon. that automatically means i cant read the satanic bible or an other religion for that matter ,cause i might just convert.  Then he points out that i am official going to hell, thanks, love you too, but its just really ridiculous. I never tell him hes wrong, i have no problem with his religion, and i support him. But straight up telling me that I’m wrong and shooting everything i think down likes its some fucking fairytale is hitting my nerves. Then saying “you probably don’t care about a word I’m saying.” and he was talking about the bible. Buddy i think religion is interesting, i wanna read the bible to understand it, me not believing doesn’t mean i don’t care. So now hes dragging me to all these youth groups and telling me to go to church. I told him i had no intentions of converting, the boy wont listen. I should say something, i really should, but i love him so much and i would do almost anything to not cause a fight. Not convert, i cant lie to myself. I just have no clue what to do… 😦 This has actually made me cry after we got off the phone. I feel like I’m in a small box and there’s a knife stabbing the walls of the box and I’m dodging the blade.

Fail(Labels)

I know, I know. I like to complain about labels a lot. Well, this is just ridiculous. People try to look “scene” or “emo” for that matter. Why the hell do they try to be someone there not? Is it because they want to act “cool”. No I’m not impressed and neither is anyone else. Thats where the word Poser comes in. Just dress for what you like and not to impress anyone around you. That shows insecurity and your stupidity. Grow up and have a mind of your own. My opinion.

I dont mean to make fun of this girl, but shes an example.

Being Diffrent

As you may know from my other blog is that I go to school. And my school is super judgemental. They don’t even give you a chance to prove yourself cause they already have an opinion on you. They have a problem with people looking different. If your not really pretty, super thin, and wear Hollister, then you don’t belong. Your categorized in the “loser” section and shunned by the populares. See, that’s just bull shit for the beginning. Being the same isn’t fun at all. Not at all. I even feel weird when i have the same shirt as one of my friends. How did they get the right to make themself supreme? How did they get top gun? I’ll tell you how. Society wants a goody-goody little too shoes, happy-go-lucky, perfect child. Well I wont blend in with the crowd. I make my self known. When people say my name they know who is it exactly. Not like some girls like Taylor for example. Taylor? what Taylor? Who? The blond one. Well which one? Theres 7 other Taylors that are like that.  Thats sad. My opinion.

Love, Or is it?

A word so over used that I don’t think it means anything now. People use it to keep their relashionship going with their other half. I have a problem with the word. See when I am dating, boys seem to say that really early to me. Thinking that they are in love but not knowing. I only loved one guy in my life. And that was the same guy that gave me my first kiss. I knew I was in love with him. but I got too scared cause I have never felt that way and I broke it off. Ever since I had guy trouble. I have one question, what is love? Is it that feeling where you get when you see your signficant other? Or is it that when you seen them at their worst and still think there the center of your life? It just puzzles me how so many people can spit that word out so easily. My opinion.

Schools are robbing us!

You know the constant fun raisers we get at school? Well, if you go to school, that is. I think there trying to conger as much money as they can from us. Which i think is ridiculous. My school is one of the most privileged in the district and they squeeze us of our money. yes, i get that the school is having budget cuts but can you do like 2 raisers? So far I have about 6 fund-raisers. Annoying and down right ridiculous!  And I hate that they guilt you into doing it too. That’s why I don’t participate in those things. My opinion.